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[fuck1ngusernam3]

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[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank’s head snaps up at the clap and he frowns, watching her as he talks.]

I didn’t say it was silly, I said it was easy. You see a dog, you leave and, boom, it’s all taken care of.

[Sumo seems like he’s enjoying the meat, but still-]

Don’t give him too much of that, okay? I don’t know if Sumo’s had raw meat in... uh, ever, maybe. I don’t know if, uh, a lot’s gonna mess his system up.

[lumberlady]

... What do you feed him if not meat?

[Eight million myriad of gods, what are "modern" people feeding their dogs??? Didn't Akira give his some weird "hamburg" thing? Whatever that was?

Also- it's not easy??? Dogs and wolves chase you, Hank.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Hell if I know, nutrients and shit. [He waves a hand toward the bowl, setting his cheek in his hand and looking at the floor again.] Told you, it's over there. You really see me goin out and spending hours killing shit just so my dog can eat?

[lumberlady]

I don't know... Your world is crazy to me.

[Like, beyond crazy.]

You make people out of metal, and fly... I'm sure you can just buy all the meat you want, can't you?

[Someone told her about grocery stores. Insane.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well yeah, but there's all sorts of shit you have to make sure you feed em and, I don't know, I couldn't even keep up with that shit when I first got him. Why, you thinking of getting a dog yourself, want me to write up a little users manual for you?

[lumberlady]

Oh, no, no, no-

[Konoha shakes her head vigorously, even as she offers Sumo the meat.]

I've only ever kept chickens, I shouldn't have anything else.

[... though to be honest, chickens were cute and all, but she doesn't need any more. They peck.]

I'm better with babies than animals, I think, but no one here has any babies...

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Now that gets Hank's attention. Sort of. Enough to distract him from the headache and the tired, weird feeling of hanging out with someone who isn't even here to see him. It gets enough of Hank's attention, anyway, that he sounds less careless and a little more curious, just for a second.]

Shouldn't, huh? Why's that? You and animals, you'd think it'd be, you know. A natural fit.

[lumberlady]

I'm not an animal. There's nothing natural about it.

[Konoha is pretty sure she's already told him that like... maybe more than once, so she's justified in frowning over it. Even as... her very equine tail flicks beneath her skirt.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Sure, whatever.

[On good days - or more okay days, maybe - he might give a shit about listening to other viewpoints, being considerate, all that stupid shit. But today? Nah. He doesn't give enough of a shit to listen to her, and he doesn't give enough of a shit to argue about it. He just shrugs a shoulder, slumping back against the wall behind him.]

But neither am I, except uh, technically, I guess, and I still got a dog. You just like chickens better, or what?

[lumberlady]

That's because some people are good with animals and some aren't, right?

[And Sumo is a nice dog, just like Connor said, and maybe it was because he was old, but she at least gets along with him even though she hadn't with her fellow villagers' dogs...]

They lay eggs, is all. And then you can eat them. I mean, I guess you can eat dog, too, but...

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank frowns.

Hank stares at her.]

You really don't have a hang of this 'pet' thing, do you? Cause that's, uh. That's not what it means. That's not even a little bit what it means.

[lumberlady]

It's like... an animal you don't eat, right? And you keep it in your bed with you.

[... She definitely doesn't get what it means.

But that's what you get living in a rural farming society in medieval times.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well. Uh...

[Hank is baffled. Is this as weird as her being half horse, her not knowing how to be friends with animals? Hank's been having a hard time with weird shit lately so it's probably better if he doesn't seriously try to figure out the answer to that. But wondering is definitely putting a pretty confused expression on his face.]

Yeah, I guess. But it's more than that. You uh... protect them. You know? Eating them would be like, so far out of the realm of possibility it wouldn't even be a question. So. I guess you've never really had a pet at all? Not even the chickens?

[lumberlady]

... Then, no.

[You don't ever eat them? Sounds fake.]

I'm not a princess you know- I heard they have little fluffy animals that sit on pillows and eat better than most men do. That's a "pet" I guess, but... every animal in my village has a purpose.

[Dogs for hunting, goats for milk, chickens for eggs, horses for transport, cats for killing mice in the granary...]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank stares at her, again.]

...That's weird.

[Yeah. He's calling it. Hank, the arbiter of weird, has made his judgement.]

Besides, Sumo totally has a purpose.

[Hank stares at Sumo, now, and spends a moment trying to figure out what to say that won't sound stupid.]

Or, you know, if he doesn't, he has as much of a purpose here as I do.

[lumberlady]

You said he doesn't hunt, though, right?

[So... what's the purpose?

Konoha looks at Sumo expectantly, head cocked, as if he could answer the question for her. He was nice, and fluffy, and sweet, but.

She still isn't quite used to thinking an animal... didn't do something.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well, yeah. But I don't hunt either, and I don't see anyone bitching about that.

[Hank's confusion has an air of defensiveness now. It's not like he thinks she's going to like, throw Sumo out for not being useful or anything - especially not when he's putting a paw down in front of her being all cute and shit, kind of patting the mattress a couple times, all expectant and probably already a little spoiled. Yeah, feeding him meat was a bad idea.]

[lumberlady]

Don't you hunt, um- Criminals?

[She feels like she remembers that being the story Connor had told about his and Hank's job.

... Damn it, Sumo. How is she not supposed to try and shake his paws???]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank squints at her, bemused. For a second he and his dog share a mood; the paw shaking isn't what Sumo was after, and he looks down at her doing it with what looks to Hank like confusion.]

Well, yeah. Sometimes, I guess. When you put it that way. But that doesn't make me more, uh... I don't know, productive, than my dog. Sumo, uh-

[What exactly does Sumo do? Hank can't really think of anything besides, 'get fur everywhere' and 'lays on me when I'm too tired to fight back', and the fact that neither of those things seem like what she's looking for makes his voice a teeny tiny bit defensive.]

He hangs out. That's enough, you know? He's a good dog. Besides, you talk to the other guys at the station, they'll tell you just how much 'criminal hunting' I do.

[Hank huffs, sounding more bitter than amused. Maybe he shouldn't have added that last part. Maybe, if he felt a little better right now, he wouldn't of. But it kind of just came out, and it's true, anyway, so. Fuck it.]

[lumberlady]

Only Connor is here, though, so I can't talk to them... ?

[So what... Would they say... ?

Konoha shakes Sumo's paws a moment, unfurling her fingers to look at his paws in her dark palms now that she has the actual luxury of interacting with a dog that didn't seem to consider her a prey animal, a doe to be chased through the woods and bitten into.

He looks so confused, though, so-

She spoils him, using Astoria's power for another hunk of venison to offer the dog.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Yeah?

[Hank rests his cheek on a fist, watching Sumo take the meat carefully out of her hand and start chewing on it. He lets her keep doing whatever she wants with his paws, which doesn't surprise Hank at all. Sumo always was good with that, being gently manhandled that way.

Then he looks from his dog to Konoha. She's real quick, isn't she? It's a good thing she didn't decide to make this a late night visit, while he was still drunk, or he might of made that little observation aloud. As it is he just makes that bitter, amused sound again.]

Well, I guess you're just gonna have to take my word for it. Does everyone have to have a, uh... a purpose, where you're from? People too?

[lumberlady]

[She's a simple thing- She knows that- Also knows she's not great with sarcasm. It's why she figures this place is so confusing for her even though so many people kept asking like it was alright. It's why she focuses just on small things, to keep busy, to get through the day.

Weed the garden. Do the laundry. Cook dinner. Prepare persimmons for winter. Hunt down a curry comb.

It's fine to be simple, she thinks. Hopes, as she kind of smiles at Sumo eating, patting his muzzle.]

I mean... Yeah? I guess? No one I know is rich enough to just... not work. There's the rice to plant, and then you have to keep it irrigated, harvest it, dry it, shuck it... and if you're not doing that, there's clothes to weave, and food to prepare, laundry to do, errands to run... If you're too old or too young, that's one thing, but...

[Medieval life, amirite?]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Well yeah, you've gotta have a job, if you can get one, I just meant-

[He shrugs.]

I guess our, uh, where we come from, it's probably pretty different, huh. You should try the pet thing some time, that's all. Having something there with you just cause, you know, just because it wants to be. Maybe you don't need that, with all your farming and whatever you do, but it's just... nice, I guess.

[lumberlady]

Haha... yeah... I know. It's just hard to think of something so different.

[People flying. Being able to just... buy everything somehow and not have to actually... grow it or weave it or make it yourself. Something called "voting"? Laws that say you can't get married and own stuff until you're eighteen? All sorts of weird things.

Unbelievable things.]

Like making friends but with an animal, then... ?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

Yeah, you got it. Not really that different, is it? It’s also kinda... I mean, they depend on you for everything. You said you were good with babies, right? It’s kind of like that too. Less crying, though, I guess. And hey, you’ve done pretty good with Sumo, even before you uh, knew you’re sort of supposed to think of him as a friend. I think you could handle it, if you wanted to. The whole pet thing.