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[fuck1ngusernam3]

Beep. Whatever. 

Comments

[bleps]

Can you try to explain it to me? Please.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[It's a minute - a few minutes - before Hank's able to figure out a safe way to say it.]

things just got p heavy u kno. n that wasnt the 1st time. theres no reason 4 all that so. srsly tho wat was it that made u feel all wtf ever happens in ur head nsted of feelings i rlly didnt think ud take it as a however u took it

[bleps]

[what]

Are you questioning why I’d be concerned for you? We’ve had this conversation before.

Or are you saying that you’d like to avoid serious discussions with me?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

1. lets put a hold on this topic ok

2. ye

3. wat did i do that made u ask y i was mad in the 1st place

[It's constructive criticism time Connor, time to tell Hank how to hide his shit better.]

[bleps]

[Oh, are we doing a list now? Maybe that’ll make Hank’s messages make actual sense, instead of circling around the same issue.]

1. If I drop it now, it’ll remain an issue. You won’t be the one to bring it up again.

2. While I can understand your hesitation, I’m not going to constantly be searching for dour or serious topics to talk to you about, Hank. The last time we spoke, it was simply necessary.

3. You normally text me once in a while. Even if it’s not consistent, there hasn’t been a stretch of days where I don’t hear from you at all — until recently. The same goes with seeing you in person. The Temple isn’t very large, Hank. You have to be making an effort to avoid seeing a certain face altogether, especially since I briefly looked for you on more than one occasion.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Sorry, Connor. The list goes out the window as all those points of Connor's can be answered with one important one from Hank.]

i kno u think its necessary but i cant deal ok. is that wat u wanted 2 hear? i cant deal with ANY of this n adding all those NECESSARY talks on top of it just makes shit worse. u can make me feel bad abt avoiding u all u want but i can only take so much ok

[bleps]

[Connor doesn’t have a swift reply to that, not this time. The delay is prominent, indicative of how reading it grants him hesitation — was his last talk with Hank more detrimental than anything else? To the point where he simply didn’t want anything to do with him at all?

What happened to the idea of friendship?]

It isn’t always going to be like that. I was just concerned for you — anyone who considers you a friend would be.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

idk man every1 seemed ok w me b4 u came along

u say its not always gonna b like that but

look can u just b concerned more quietly. not everything needs 2 b talked abt

[bleps]

[Did they? Was everyone just all right with Hank’s self-destructive behavior? Was anyone even close enough to the man to care?

But Connor, now he wonders if he’s stepped over a like he wasn’t supposed to cross. If he’s being too presumptuous — but friends are supposed to help each other, right? He knows, that when Hank gets like that, when Hank talks to him like that the way he did, leaving him alone is the worst option. He needs someone to talk to, someone to be there.

Even if Connor feels useless in knowing he can’t do more than that.]

I suppose so. But being communicative about what’s bothering you is better than holing yourself up in your room and keeping it to yourself. Even if it’s not me, you should find someone else to reach out to when you start to feel bad.

[It hurts a little to type that, but it’s necessary.]

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[If it’s not Connor he opens up to it’s not going to he anyone. Hank knows that. Connor’s seen the worst of him already, whether Hank wanted him to or not, the kind of stuff no one else is allowed to know. But you know what? It shouldn’t be Connor either, who sees all that. It’s Hank’s fucking business.]

look i kno u got programmed 2 say all the right after school special shit abt feeling ur feelings n opening up sharing is caring wtf ever. but thats not wat life is. u got no idea. u got no fuckin idea so just let me do wat i need 2 do n the rest of the time ill talk 2 u all u want. ok

[bleps]

[He can’t help Hank if he keeps drawing a line in the sand. He can’t continue to climb over the same steel wall over and over again, just to be pushed away so consistently. As much as Connor tries, and keeps trying, and keeps trying, he knows that the other has to be receptive for any progress to be made.

Maybe he can’t. Maybe being what he is — just an android — stops Hank from taking that outstretched hand. Sees only his want to help as artificial, insincere. Has Connor given him a reason to believe otherwise?

It’s hardly fair.]

I don’t know what you want, Lieutenant. What you feel and what you say contradict each other. I don’t know what to prioritize, beyond my own personal want to help you cope with these new circumstances.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Prioritize my fist in your face, dumbass. But Hank doesn’t say that. Even thinking it feels wrong, like it didn’t used to. Which actually feeds into all that shit he’s not talking about so, whatever. He stops thinking about it.]

u asked y i wasnt doin stuff w u n i told u. wat u think i ~feel~ isnt my problem. i been around 1/2 a century u think i dont kno how 2 cope w my own shit

[bleps]

No. I don’t think that you do. Or did you forget about the state I found you in, back in Detroit?

[They’re going to argue in circles again. Connor tries to rely on compromise, meeting Hank halfway.]

Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.

We’re going to work together; we’ve just spoken on this subject. As a result, I’d prefer to clear the air between us, without having to resort to you avoiding me. What can we do to make this possible?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Thank god Connor doesn’t seem to expect him to answer that first question, because when he reads it, Hank doesn’t have the first clue what to say. Because Connor, Connor says he found Hank that night and that Hank got lucky and everything was fine; Hank’s still not convinced. But Connor isn’t demanding an answer to that, and that suits Hank just fine.]

i can work w u already. this isnt me sayin i dont want 2 talk 2 u evr. i told u b4 wen i said id try the friend thing i meant it. dont get it but im not takin it back just b/c u dont kno wen 2 back off. we can still do friend shit wat evr that means 4 a robot. u just need 2
learn not 2 dig n2 shit u cant do nything abt

[bleps]

[It hardly seems like much of a compromise. Wouldn’t do much to quell Connor’s worry for Hank on his worst days.

But there is a relief in knowing that he hasn’t done anything to erase the rather transient title of “friend” just yet.]

All right.

[It’s a compromise that he thinks he can adhere to. Until he can’t. ]

What would you like to do as friends next, then?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

shit u get rite down 2 it dont u. i guess this place IS p boring tho. cant help u w that tho the only stuff ive done is watch ppl do stuff theres not that much 2 rlly do. u cld do the sports thing soccer or sumthin but id suck at that so.

oh that reminds me i was talkin 2 that arenbald dude a while back n he said he didnt kno wat sports were. sort of i dont rlly remember. if ur bored u shld sho him a sport that isnt abt swinging swords at ppl

[bleps]

[ARENBALD.....]

It's Arenvald. With a "v".

[Get it right! He thought you two were getting along better these days, you can at least spell his friend's name correctly.]

I've never participated in any sports. You know that wasn't exactly a priority of mine back in Detroit. Besides, how my spending time with someone else developing our friendship?

What are some of your hobbies, Hank? Music, right?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

yeah i guess

if that was u offerin 2 do sum screamo 4 me im on board. u can bring ur friend varenvaldv well make it a party

[bleps]

Arenvald.

I have reason to believe that you might not be serious about actually starting a... band.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Now this is more like the conversation Hank wants to have.]

wat i cant teas u n mean it if u started a band id be so supportive. u n arunvalb

[bleps]

[This is an illegal derailment of a very serious conversation!]

If Arenvald and I start a band, I still don't see how that's relevant to our current friendship.

You'd have to be a member.

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[That's a lie Hank has never broken a law in his life this derailment is legit.]

ill be ur manager i kno more abt bands than u n u guys wld look better on stage nyway

[bleps]

[Stop lying about lying, this is lieception.]

We're at the Temple, Hank. Why would any band require a manager? What business is there to be had to manage? Your efforts would be better suited as a part of the band itself.

[In this strange, hypothetical situation.]

Do you play an instrument?

[fuck1ngusernam3]

[Hank would never lie, his derailment is legit, he has the paperwork.]

i kno how 2 do audio shit used 2 help out at shows. u kno theres sum1 here who can make music w her BRAIN well have 2 step up. i can do that n be the manager for our business

[bleps]

Right, I've met her. The one who's a popular performer, where she's from.

I'm not programmed for music, Hank. I don't know if Arenvald is, either.

Inclined, not programmed, I mean.